Caught Up
When is too much, too much? It's when one hits a breaking point- the breaking point being something good or something bad, and where it happens. A good breaking point would when the light switch goes off without any notice, and it becomes instantly clear that the time is to move on. This typically happens in an alternate location away from a stressful place. A bad breaking point is when the amount of stress and anxiety amounts to there being no other option but leaving. This typically happens when it's at the place of stress and anxiety.
Remember the movie Office Space? The main character, Peter, is frustrated with his mundane job, overbearing boss, annoying co-workers and overall projection of his life. After being hypnotized and never coming out of a relaxation spell, he suddenly changes his attitude regarding everything and everyone. While it's a slight exaggeration, I believe it can refer to anyone who experiences a moment of bliss that s/he cannot shake, and it shifts a toxic mindset into one of zen. Meanwhile, Milton, a co-worker of Peter's, is equally disgruntled and finds himself constantly mocked by his boss. After a series of misfortunes and consistent threats to burn down the company's headquarters, he eventually does so by the end of the movie.
I have been, as the post title suggests, "caught up" in my current role at PSE&G for the last several months. While I'm nowhere near unhappy like Peter or Milton, it has taken a lot of energy of my system: physically, mentally and emotionally. While I wouldn't label my job as challenging (although some days are challenging!), I have been striving to meet an unattainable level of perfection. It's not an expectation of anyone except for myself, and I would not say I am "perfect" by any means or standards. It just feels like there isn't enough I could do in a work day, and I find myself working extra or at home to make up for it. I suppose it's also the work culture nowadays, not just in my role or company, but worldwide. There is this internal mindset that one creates: You need to do 110% or forget it, someone else will. You need to stand out, or you will blend in with the crowd of losers. You cannot show weakness or imperfection because it will be used against you. This is why, at the end of my workday, the last thing I have felt like doing is blogging. (And to think, a year ago, I promised I would still blog every week. Now, I am breaking promises!). It's not for lack of interest or discussion, quite the contrary; it's lack of focus and determination to stick with my writing. I am drained, and quite honestly, worried that staying up and blogging will take away from my sleep (which I still manage to get enough of).
With all of this said, I hit a breaking point- a good one. It wasn't dramatic as Office Space, but it has been some time coming. There have been several factors that have led to it, including the workload and personal expectations, and it came to a head when I was recently away visiting Nashville, TN and another trip to Maine. (These trips, by the way, will be chronicled in a future post, I promise!) There was a shift in gears, and while nothing drastic is happening, I have chosen to refocus on my original intentions with my life. I still believe in my factors to control destiny, trust that things do happen for a reason- and that it's never the end of the world. In the meantime, I will release myself from my own bonds, and will try to get some sleep now.
Remember the movie Office Space? The main character, Peter, is frustrated with his mundane job, overbearing boss, annoying co-workers and overall projection of his life. After being hypnotized and never coming out of a relaxation spell, he suddenly changes his attitude regarding everything and everyone. While it's a slight exaggeration, I believe it can refer to anyone who experiences a moment of bliss that s/he cannot shake, and it shifts a toxic mindset into one of zen. Meanwhile, Milton, a co-worker of Peter's, is equally disgruntled and finds himself constantly mocked by his boss. After a series of misfortunes and consistent threats to burn down the company's headquarters, he eventually does so by the end of the movie.
I have been, as the post title suggests, "caught up" in my current role at PSE&G for the last several months. While I'm nowhere near unhappy like Peter or Milton, it has taken a lot of energy of my system: physically, mentally and emotionally. While I wouldn't label my job as challenging (although some days are challenging!), I have been striving to meet an unattainable level of perfection. It's not an expectation of anyone except for myself, and I would not say I am "perfect" by any means or standards. It just feels like there isn't enough I could do in a work day, and I find myself working extra or at home to make up for it. I suppose it's also the work culture nowadays, not just in my role or company, but worldwide. There is this internal mindset that one creates: You need to do 110% or forget it, someone else will. You need to stand out, or you will blend in with the crowd of losers. You cannot show weakness or imperfection because it will be used against you. This is why, at the end of my workday, the last thing I have felt like doing is blogging. (And to think, a year ago, I promised I would still blog every week. Now, I am breaking promises!). It's not for lack of interest or discussion, quite the contrary; it's lack of focus and determination to stick with my writing. I am drained, and quite honestly, worried that staying up and blogging will take away from my sleep (which I still manage to get enough of).
With all of this said, I hit a breaking point- a good one. It wasn't dramatic as Office Space, but it has been some time coming. There have been several factors that have led to it, including the workload and personal expectations, and it came to a head when I was recently away visiting Nashville, TN and another trip to Maine. (These trips, by the way, will be chronicled in a future post, I promise!) There was a shift in gears, and while nothing drastic is happening, I have chosen to refocus on my original intentions with my life. I still believe in my factors to control destiny, trust that things do happen for a reason- and that it's never the end of the world. In the meantime, I will release myself from my own bonds, and will try to get some sleep now.
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