Bad Company
Has someone else's deception made you question your own self? That's the question I have been playing over and over in my mind this past week after receiving undesirable news.
To be brief, I was dating someone for the past few months. At first, I wasn't sure how strong my feelings were towards this individual; while I knew him professionally, I was slightly intimidated by his knowledge and confidence. He could work a room and speak clearly on any subject, whether it was energy policy or Game of Thrones. When we went out a few times initially, I couldn't tell if he was interested romantically or just saw me as a friend. However, our relationship progressed, much faster than I would have imagined or had happened to me in the past. He seemed fascinated by my interests, my dreams, my family and my world. He, too, had a life of success and passion, and I found myself being extremely attracted to that. We could talk endlessly, debate and enjoy our company over even the simplest things such as dinner or driving.
In the back of my head, though, I had an inkling. I could never quite put my finger on it, as in what it was or what I was feeling. I wanted to have strong feelings towards him, but I chalked it to up to uncertainty or fear of being hurt. I figured that my intuition was fooling logic- he was sending strong messages by treating me right so it had to be my nerves. He moved quickly too; and after two months, I met his parents, he referred to me as his girlfriend, he discussed future plans (not -those- types of future plans, but near future plans). When I discussed his actions towards me to friends, they gushed, and I thought to myself, "How did I get so lucky?"
But almost two weeks ago, I sent him an encouraging text message in the morning, hoping that would cheer him up for an expected stressful day at work. It wasn't until the evening of the following day that he replied, saying the text "wasn't enough" for the day he had. He called me the following day and mentioned trying to get together after work the next day to "talk." I couldn't, and asked if everything was okay to which there was silence. He replied that everything was okay, but he wanted to address some things in person. We agreed to meet at his place on Saturday to spend the day together in which we solidified plans on Friday. At first, I panicked, but then after talking it over with friends, I came to the conclusion that he couldn't possibly end things if we made tentative plans.
Saturday rolled around, and I arrived at his place. He greeted me, and we sat down. Immediately, he said it was best that we are better off "being friends," and that he had apparently felt this way for awhile. (According to his timeline, he felt this way for over a month.) I questioned his actions, such as meeting his parents and introducing me as his girlfriend, to which he replied that those were "mixed signals" and that he is "not good at social stuff." Finally, I questioned why there was a ruse to spend the day together, to which he scoffed, "What were we supposed to do, spend the day together and then break the news?"
To top things off, he suggested that we could still spend Valentine's Day together, but I respectfully declined.
While I wasn't sad that things between us had ended, in fact I have yet to cry over this, I can't help but think- did this person ever truly like me?
I don't buy into the excuses he provided me because, as far as I'm concerned, he's not a robot. He was well-aware of his actions and consequences. I never pushed him to do any of those "serious" steps in a relationship; as I mentioned, I thought it was very quick. While I believe there is more to his story, I am more disturbed by the dishonesty and deception, and I wonder why anyone would waste their time charming someone who they aren't interested in romantically (or at least for some sort of gain). He truly gained nothing from our courtship! I suppose that's why it wasn't worth salvaging.
I'm not saying this is worse than cheating or manipulation, but like those two powerful forces, emotional deception plays mind games. Over the past week, I have literally questioned every relationship- romantic, friendship, professional, family, stranger- in my life and thought, do people want to be in my life or is there no other option? Is there someone who is using me or considers me as a nuisance, all under the guise of kindness and love?
The takeaway from this experience is that it's importance to listen to your intuition especially in all relationships. I'm suggesting that if something seems "off," to simply question the individual rather than ignore your feelings or speculations. In my case with this individual, I will forever see him as a phony, unfortunately. Unlike his suggestion, we will never be friends since I don't take up company like that.
To be brief, I was dating someone for the past few months. At first, I wasn't sure how strong my feelings were towards this individual; while I knew him professionally, I was slightly intimidated by his knowledge and confidence. He could work a room and speak clearly on any subject, whether it was energy policy or Game of Thrones. When we went out a few times initially, I couldn't tell if he was interested romantically or just saw me as a friend. However, our relationship progressed, much faster than I would have imagined or had happened to me in the past. He seemed fascinated by my interests, my dreams, my family and my world. He, too, had a life of success and passion, and I found myself being extremely attracted to that. We could talk endlessly, debate and enjoy our company over even the simplest things such as dinner or driving.
In the back of my head, though, I had an inkling. I could never quite put my finger on it, as in what it was or what I was feeling. I wanted to have strong feelings towards him, but I chalked it to up to uncertainty or fear of being hurt. I figured that my intuition was fooling logic- he was sending strong messages by treating me right so it had to be my nerves. He moved quickly too; and after two months, I met his parents, he referred to me as his girlfriend, he discussed future plans (not -those- types of future plans, but near future plans). When I discussed his actions towards me to friends, they gushed, and I thought to myself, "How did I get so lucky?"
But almost two weeks ago, I sent him an encouraging text message in the morning, hoping that would cheer him up for an expected stressful day at work. It wasn't until the evening of the following day that he replied, saying the text "wasn't enough" for the day he had. He called me the following day and mentioned trying to get together after work the next day to "talk." I couldn't, and asked if everything was okay to which there was silence. He replied that everything was okay, but he wanted to address some things in person. We agreed to meet at his place on Saturday to spend the day together in which we solidified plans on Friday. At first, I panicked, but then after talking it over with friends, I came to the conclusion that he couldn't possibly end things if we made tentative plans.
Saturday rolled around, and I arrived at his place. He greeted me, and we sat down. Immediately, he said it was best that we are better off "being friends," and that he had apparently felt this way for awhile. (According to his timeline, he felt this way for over a month.) I questioned his actions, such as meeting his parents and introducing me as his girlfriend, to which he replied that those were "mixed signals" and that he is "not good at social stuff." Finally, I questioned why there was a ruse to spend the day together, to which he scoffed, "What were we supposed to do, spend the day together and then break the news?"
To top things off, he suggested that we could still spend Valentine's Day together, but I respectfully declined.
While I wasn't sad that things between us had ended, in fact I have yet to cry over this, I can't help but think- did this person ever truly like me?
I don't buy into the excuses he provided me because, as far as I'm concerned, he's not a robot. He was well-aware of his actions and consequences. I never pushed him to do any of those "serious" steps in a relationship; as I mentioned, I thought it was very quick. While I believe there is more to his story, I am more disturbed by the dishonesty and deception, and I wonder why anyone would waste their time charming someone who they aren't interested in romantically (or at least for some sort of gain). He truly gained nothing from our courtship! I suppose that's why it wasn't worth salvaging.
I'm not saying this is worse than cheating or manipulation, but like those two powerful forces, emotional deception plays mind games. Over the past week, I have literally questioned every relationship- romantic, friendship, professional, family, stranger- in my life and thought, do people want to be in my life or is there no other option? Is there someone who is using me or considers me as a nuisance, all under the guise of kindness and love?
The takeaway from this experience is that it's importance to listen to your intuition especially in all relationships. I'm suggesting that if something seems "off," to simply question the individual rather than ignore your feelings or speculations. In my case with this individual, I will forever see him as a phony, unfortunately. Unlike his suggestion, we will never be friends since I don't take up company like that.
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